Monday, March 17, 2008

On Mice, Beetles, and Other Insects That When Pinned to A Bit of Cardboard Cannot Dance Ingratiatingly At Me

Hey, you. Yes, you, asshole! Yeah, you think you’re some kind of funny man? Some type of comedian? Think it’s funny, standing around nude from the waist down wearing a little ribbon tied around your cock?

Oh, wait. That’s just a mirror, not some smart-aleck who thinks they can best me at my game.

Anyhow, good morning to you, you, and you. It’s good to be loved and appreciated, and since I’m going all Norma Desmond, how about an anecdote? Will that be alright? CAN YOU HANDLE IT?

So, I was watching the TeeVee the other day. This brings to mind a certain complaint of mine: there aren’t any good telenovelas on any more! Those Mexicans! Ever since “Fernando:In the Fiery Pit of His Incestuous Love” got cancelled, I’ve had to watch that “Desperate Housewives in spanish” shit. Hey, remember when on “Michuacan,” when Juan Raoul got shot, and everyone was like, “who shot Juan Raoul?” but it was really all a dream? Wasn’t that great? Everyone knows in the land of TV, anything’s possible! Like shitty Mexican “Dallas” ripoffs, where there are oil-rich Mexicans, despite the fact everyone knows Mexicans can’t get rich. It’s true! I’m now 20% more racist after those god damn Irish accosted me on the stret this morning. It’s not some kind of fucking holiday, people! Wake up! It’s just Monday, March 17! THose lewd motherfuckers.

Which brings me to my original point: don’t try to trim your nose hairs with fingernail clippers. It bring you and your loved ones pain.

Any compaints about this miserable, shitty, awful, pathetic, lukewarm, biley post can be forwarded to: i.dont.give.a.shit@hotmail.com.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was brilliant there, with the periods and the fake email address! You really thought that it was real, you minx! No; it was just Uncle Maurice, playing a little joke. You’ll give me my jokes, won’t you? It’s all I’ve got left…

…I’m afraid! What happens when I turn off the light?

Posted by Maurice in 11:48:52 | Permalink | No Comments »