The Long, Cold, Hard, Uncomfortable, Alligator-Ridden Road Towards Obsolescence, Part One
In beginning, I would like to take the opportunity presented by this blank (also known as devoid) page to say a few words to you, my comrades of nothing. Nihilism has previously been dismissed as parrot talking, or peg-legged sensibility, a piratical dictionary of the absurd and unkind. This short-changes the noble art of Nonnumism, the practice and application of intellectual will and might towards nothingness. This is not to say surrender, for a saber surrendered is a saber lost, and one must retain one’s weapons until finally one is run through by any pointy objects they themselves have acquired. “Live by the musket, die by old age,” the inventor of the musket used to say (before he was shot with a musket). It is simply the advocacy that nihilism must be applied to life in order to appreciate and understand it; that once nothing really has tangible purpose or meaning it is honestly freed from any type of chains and given wonderful wings with which it might fly confusedly in any of a billion directions at once.
Take gun control, for example. This paragraph is going to be about gun control. Remember that fellow with the musket? How ironic, then, that he was shot with the ply of his own trade, the foul dog run through by the sharp-edged objet d’art that he himself had helped to create: fear not gun owners, this irony shall not apply to thee! Rather, it won’t if we adopt my measures to prevent gun control. It is quite simple, really: it is said that you are highly more probable to die in a gun-related accident if there are guns involved (do not argue with me; I am certain that this may be a fact in certain countries, perhaps not this one but Zimbabwe maybe). This is infallible logic! However, if you shoot a man with a gun, there is one less gun owner to shoot other gun owners with guns (further infallible logic)! So, then, shooting gun owners with guns may appear (deceptively) to lower gun crimes, but in the long run, once they are all dead and you stand victoriously atop a gigantic mound made of smoking muzzles and human bodies (or at least parts of therein), it will have worked out admirably! However, there must be preventative measures taken as well, to most assuredly deprive potential gun criminals of their cruel steel. The scheduled death of any human being that approaches your hill of bullet-dispensing justice should do it.
