The Long, Cold, Hard, Uncomfortable, Alligator-Ridden Road Towards Obsolescence, Part Two
So, there’s gun control. A lovely issue full of gravity, levity, and other “-vity”s. Such as depravity! Language is much more fun when it is a dull scalpel, applied liberally to any surface presented in large doses. (I can only think of how this metaphor would be literally applied; a mad surgeon running amok in a hospital with a shaving-razor). In contrast, specific language is as boring and full of drudgery as linguistic skill in useless application is sparkling, entertaining, and full of wit (mirth and wisdom notwithstanding!). Who can deny the pure glee of a sheet of snowy white to scribble over, with no intent or purpose but the defiling of whiteness and the destruction of the peaceful gurgling of the void. Once noise and chaotic letters reign eternal, it can be lauded as “art” and an “achievement,” according to its respective significance and accidental poignancy. On the other hand, applied literature: Christly as this mission may be, there is nothing as frightfully horrorsome as the creation of a purposed, thoughtful essay. Not only might this behemoth of a time-waster take twice the effort, thrice the time utilized, and at least a (metric) ton of thought, but turtles are indeed green, and shall remain so.
Yes, the aquatic creature once again saves us from the looming threat of this piece of writing’s sense of purpose and sensibility, two mortal (mortal!) sins, which can only be avoided by an unnecessary amount of complacency (but if every amount of everything is unnecessary, then why not use it all?). And why shouldn’t the writer be complacent? Here He is, reigning over his eternal kingdom, secure in the fact that his intellectual property shall remain forever His. This is a faulty assumption, of course, for all supposedly original thought is plagiaristic truthiness; denial of the fact that in the course of human history, there have been exactly trillions (if not more) of human beings, making it statistically highly unlikely that you are thinking of anything that has not been preconceived and presented to you in some form or another. This previous thought has been successfully used many times. Just like writing inanities is an applicable solution to a problem.
