A Longing For Some Development
Warpling & Schuster regret to inform you that you're dead.
Before you freak out, wonder: just how does a publishing company know I'm dead?
Because if you aren't dead now, you will be. Later. Or sooner, depending on when you show up on their doorstep with all those illegally acquired publishing-comfits you stole. And the "Warpling & Schuster" racquetball team's leotards (with tasteful logos).
Yes, the dangerous world of corporate theft. If you ever get shanghaiied by a crazed manager with a staplegun, remember that it's all your fault there are now metal stapley thingies in your brain.
"But what if I got a brain staple by a surgeon, Maurice?"
THEN YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
What can I say? Whose fault should it be, eh? Do you think the nice people at the Roomba Company ("need someone to help you operate your Roomba vacuuming robot because you're elderly and thus incapable of manipulating ridiculously simple technology? Then fuck off!") care about whether or not you're getting crushed by a gigantic robotic vacuum? Well, you'll find the answer when nobody comes to rescue you when you're trapped inside of the dustbag.
How d'you think that'd read if it happened to Jane Goodall? "My Life Among The Dust-Bunnies"?
NO! SHE'D EAT 'EM AND KILL EM BY GUM LIKE ANY OTHER GOOD AGRARIAN HUNTER-GATHERER
This blog post has been sponsored M.A.D.B., or Mothers Against Drunk Blogging.
See what happens, children! It comes out all funny and painful to read!
The blog too!
Before you freak out, wonder: just how does a publishing company know I'm dead?
Because if you aren't dead now, you will be. Later. Or sooner, depending on when you show up on their doorstep with all those illegally acquired publishing-comfits you stole. And the "Warpling & Schuster" racquetball team's leotards (with tasteful logos).
Yes, the dangerous world of corporate theft. If you ever get shanghaiied by a crazed manager with a staplegun, remember that it's all your fault there are now metal stapley thingies in your brain.
"But what if I got a brain staple by a surgeon, Maurice?"
THEN YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH.
What can I say? Whose fault should it be, eh? Do you think the nice people at the Roomba Company ("need someone to help you operate your Roomba vacuuming robot because you're elderly and thus incapable of manipulating ridiculously simple technology? Then fuck off!") care about whether or not you're getting crushed by a gigantic robotic vacuum? Well, you'll find the answer when nobody comes to rescue you when you're trapped inside of the dustbag.
How d'you think that'd read if it happened to Jane Goodall? "My Life Among The Dust-Bunnies"?
NO! SHE'D EAT 'EM AND KILL EM BY GUM LIKE ANY OTHER GOOD AGRARIAN HUNTER-GATHERER
This blog post has been sponsored M.A.D.B., or Mothers Against Drunk Blogging.
See what happens, children! It comes out all funny and painful to read!
The blog too!
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