Friday, June 06, 2008

"If You're Feeling Sinister" album review


Welcome to The Daily Fix's first official album review. Now, those of you who have read album reviews before in sources as illustrious as Spin (or Rolling Stone, if you're a sheep) already know that the music has to take a backseat to the author. On that topic: those of you who frequently read The Daily Fix won't recognize me as your usual correspondent, Maurice. That's because I'm Thorbjorn. ON TO THE MUSIC!

Now, you probably won't recognize the album I'm reviewing today, "If You're Feeling Sinister", by Belle & Sebastian. That's because it's a Scottish indie band, and I had to swim to Scotland to get my hands on a copy. And let me tell you - this is some good shit!

Belle & Sebastian is pretty much one guy, Stuart Murdoch. He made the band at some point in the early eighties, naming it after his love of Disney film characters. Murdoch, featured on the cover of this album, claims to have started the "transgendered indie singer" trend by changing his gender to match his woman-voice. Murdoch has claimed the inspiration for most of the songs on this album were inspired by an incident in which he was molested on a bus from Edinburgh to Glasgow by a metalhead on his way to a Danzig concert. According to Wikipedia, the album was released in 1996, but nobody ever listened to it except for me. It's remarkable how many albums are like that...

Hmmm: what's next? Sorry folks, I'm reading along with a Rolling Stone review as a template to learn how to write these things. Ah yes - I'm supposed to pick the songs I like the most so you can just limewire this shit instead of buying the album. BEST SONGS:

~ "Seeing Other People" ~ This song, inspired in part by The Thomas Crowne Affair, is a classic tale of teenage bisexuality we all experienced back in grade school. The music is mostly lifted from Bach chorales and transcribed into piano, but Murdoch turns this religious and reverent music into perversity, and boy, damnation has never sounded better! Humming this at work will make feminist secretaries want to fellate you.

~ "Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying" ~ This 5-chord pop masterpiece features guest vocals from Rihanna before the whore copied that chick from The Cranberries. A catchy melody and rhythm section makes this one of those songs that guitar students on college campuses across America like to play on the quad with an acoustic guitar until I punch them. Fun Fact - Bob Dylan has covered this song over a dozen times since he died in 2005 and was replaced with a Robert-zimmermarionette.

~ "Judy And The Dream Of Horses" ~ This is the only cover on the album. Originally done as a free poetry jazz jam by The Doors but never recorded because Bill Graham referred to it as "boring as fuck," Murdoch has vamped it up with a trumpet part, and a 18-string electric guitar specially made for him by Rickenbacker. The outro syncs up perfectly with The Velvet Underground's "Heroin," except for the key and tempo.

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Posted by Thorbjorn J. Chinkchong, Esq. at 23:18:38 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Because It Wasn't Enough When Everybody Else Was Doing It

Remember when Bill Clinton won the Democratic nomination, way back when in the 1990s? He danced with Hillary. Remember when Al Gore won the Democratic nomination, way back in 2000? I sure do! He danced with Tipper. John Kerry probably danced with someone when he won the nomination, but I don't remember because he wasn't legally elected like those other two fellows.

(Man, remember the Gore presidency? Remember that awesome cabinet he assembled? Remember how he signed the Kyoto protocols, and thwarted that totally evil terrorist plot to blow up the world trade center due to his having intelligence multiple weeks prior to said attacks, and cured cancer by allowing stem cell research, and then after that, he toatlly was on, like, the cover of Wired? Man, that was great. Everybody loved President Gore!)

Anyhow. Now that Barack Obama has assumed the position of "most visible living target in the US," what dance will he do?

I know! I know! Let's ask our friend, "Barack Obama's illegally-acquired African slave!"



"Oh, suh, yessuh! I just be's a negro minstrel, but I'se be thinkun that Massuh Barack be's dancun' like we nigros down in his celluh be dancun'! Yessuh, Massuh Barack kin be col'-hearted an' use the whip at times, but other times he shucks and jives jus' like a real nigroo! Which he ain't! He's a white devil, like you, Massuh Maurice! He just done and painted hisself, so he could win some Demagogueic Nombleynayshun!"






Well, there we have it.
Posted by Maurice at 09:00:56 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Monday, June 02, 2008

A Short Etymological Discourse



Hi, I'm Maurice the friendly word toad! Today we're going to discuss the word bindle! A bindle is what hobos carry over their shoulders!

No, not children!

No, not your furniture!

No, not virgins!

Okay, maybe we've got the wrong idea. A bindle, as we all know, is a little knap-sack at the end of a stick, lovingly tied so that all the aforementioned things can't get out of the bag. See? But what are the origins of such a word? Bindle is quite a nonsensical word, but as we will see, when you've a magical singing toad on your side, the origins of no word are beyond your grasp! Just repeat after me:

"I like words! They are fun!
cook them in the oven until they're done!
I like toad! I like toad's eggs!
I promise never to eat toad's legs!"

WoOoOoWwOwOwOwOwOwOoWoWoWoWoWoWoOoOOw! That rhyme sure did work, didn't it?

Okay, so it didn't. But only now, after you have learned humility by chanting a ridiculous poem in public, can you learn the true beginnings of the word bindle.

You see, the root of bindle is, as you might have previously imagined, bind. This, in turn, directs us to the practicew of binding things. Like hobos. To railroad tracks. To kill them. IT'S NOT A CRIME IF AN ANIMAL DOES IT
Posted by Maurice at 08:48:07 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |